Introduction
Greetings, readers.
This is the husband here! Once before I had written a story on this account, and it was regarding the various ways in which I find my wife to be lovely, most kind, most graceful, and sexually a work of art. She has, since that time, become a mother to two children. To know my son and daughter, placed in her womb with great love, have grown and are now little beings I can hold in my arms is a great blessing. I am proud that my wife has borne my children, and she is excited to bear more. I do hope I can accommodate this for her.
Seeing as she is taking a (reasonably well-earned) break from MH, I thought to take the reigns and write on her profile. As I am sure those who have read our stories know, our marriage has always been one where she took a feminine, submissive, and obedient role in her stations as wife, mother, homemaker, etc. I should note that what started as a natural existent factor in the marriage became also a conscious desire to sustain a more patriarchal marriage. This may be controversial in the modern day, but it is within our beliefs and life practices and seems proper. I do pray, deeply, that I am a benevolent patriarch in my household. I wish for nothing more than to dispatch my duties properly.
This is not limited to the bedroom chambers, and in fact is not focused there. That is a mere portion of the grander marital arrangement which was formed by her submission from the onset. Through courtship, through engagement, and into marriage, she was always very kind to listen, pay heed to my words as head of house, and always was a doting and graceful presence. I dare say, if there is embodiment of femininity for me personally, it is her.
I speak quite highly of my lady because I do not believe anything in this world, aside from that which is deemed most sacred, can indeed be as beautiful in nature as her.
As she had spoken of in another story—I believe Office Secrets—I routinely draw. I have drawn her, and she is a sort of private muse I admire, and perhaps even my own rather measured mind is torn asunder and gawks at her form. I am shattered within by her, as much as she is led on the outside by an ostensibly measured man.
Now, enough of all of this. Why am I here? Well, this writing is meant to speak to my fellow gentlemen present here as a guide, as a list of important factors and key points that would aid you in properly tuning yourself towards marriage (should you be a bachelor) or making an already divine marriage even more beautiful.
Perhaps the ladies will also find some value in this. You would know when to take interest and allow a man to lead and court you in earnest, and when to run away as fast as you can—and perhaps let your father, brother, or another reliable gentleman have a word with the troublesome fellow.
Self-Control
This is a point of great contention in our modern world. No doubt, we know which forces and objects and people wish for us to break—for us to show even a moment of weakness—so we may fall into the pit of temporary gratification but long-term, if not eternal, pain and suffering.
Gents: deny yourselves pleasure. Learn to accept self-denial. Learn to accept self-acceptance. Do not chase after desire. The world presents all sorts of advertisements, media, music, etc. which routinely allows men to fall into pits of despair. I believe I read in an article that the youngest age some boys are introduced to digital pornography is age 9. Think on this! Are we able to truly experience life, as a series of blessings, if we are chasing passions and shiny objects?
Prior to any puberty or adolescent development, young boys are poisoned. They lose the ability to control themselves. I realize this will no doubt stir some disagreement. I am sure some here feel that certain levels of physical contact with ladies prior to marriage, or even acts of self-pleasure, are well within acceptable limits. Perhaps others believe pornography is fine.
My question is not whether these are right or wrong—as per God’s will, or not. That is a separate discussion. Rather, I ask a basic question: could you halt these activities on the snap of your fingers? Could you stop yourself? Would you, if God willed it so? Would you, even if you wanted yourself to?
A gentleman unable to control his own impulses, unable to read his own thoughts, desires, and emotions and have a genuine contemplation about whether this is the way, whether he ought to stop or not, is not worthy of a lady’s hand. To the ladies and girls: do not trust the leadership and care of a man who can barely control his own impulses. You will only suffer. A man who denies the material for the spiritual, will no doubt be a better husband. How can he lead another when he himself is astray? A man cannot be a good steward or guide if he is lost himself!
Regardless of difference of opinion, I find no error in stating this, and find very little to disagree with from either men or women.
Sensuality
An important point of disagreement is on the definition of lust. As I see and understand, lust is when I view my wife (or a lady, if I were courting her as a single man) as merely flesh. It is a mindset that says, “Use, dispose.” Or “Use, but never commit.” Or “Use, then commit.” Key word: use. There is not a union of flesh which makes two into one. That only occurs under God’s gracious blessing of marriage! There is not a passionate surrender from the woman, which the man takes as a token of trust in him to hold her in enjoinment.
My wife is not an object, to use and dispose. She is my other half, born from the rib, taken from my flesh and bone. No man may survive happily without such a part of his body—and he must treat his body with equal parts discipline and loving care. Lust is use; love is conscious, meaningful union.
Let me be clear: yes, there are days wherein I arrive home, and want nothing more than to take my wife to the bedroom and have my way. But it is not done in such a way where I leave her on the bed in tatters, feeling used. I ensure she knows, whether through word or action, that she is my ambrosia. At times, I apply the medicine with care and comfort. Other times, I apply it with rugged speed. But that does not change her nature as ambrosia itself. She is the splendor of a flower, not to be crushed and extinguished in an attempt to inhale the pleasant scent.
Coming to the point: as a man, understand that sensuality is love and ambrosia and a slow-burning flame. Lust is the small, ineffectual lighter, and a poison which taints your view of your own bride, or of the girl you are courting. Vulgarity is shown to us in excess. A sensual marriage is a beautiful, comfortable, passionate, sweet one. A vulgar marriage is material and nothing more. One demands you empty yourself of hatred and ego and selfishness so that you may fill yourself with the sort of love that can aid you in married life, akin to a kenotic relationship; the other fills your own cup at the expense of the other person, and cares little for guarding and keeping a space of safety for a lady.
Ladies: be sure to understand what the man in front of you at the table, or walking next to your on your date, is truly like. Is he a man who can appreciate and protect the sensuality of a lady, or a man who uses it and is not willing to take charge in a positive and self-sacrificial way?
Again, this is my personal view. Feel free to disagree. I am merely sharing what I feel and how I see my own marriage!
Strength
The physical sort is not to be overlooked, mind you. A gentleman, healthy and virile and well-kept, is certainly a pragmatic one. This is not to berate those who have mental or physical disabilities. I myself have a mental disability. However every man can put in the effort to strengthen his body, his mind, and his spirit. The latter is handled by God, better than any man can do on his own. Through this, man handles the former two.
Keep yourself fit, clean, mentally at peace, and in ceaseless prayer and faith. Perform good deeds, sustain positive associations—particularly from gentlemen you trust—and keep yourself well. If you can barely take care of yourself, do not bother to believe you can care for a lady. Every man has bad days. I sure do! But strength is not in never having bad days. It is the determination and faith a man sustains, which guide him. Remain measured, and equanimous.
Do not believe that a woman or sexuality or attraction defines you. Nothing in this world wholly defines you. The beauty of life lies in our ability to find security and peace outside of people and things. A self-secure man is worth laurels.
This stability is essential. A lady prefers a stable pauper to the fickle prince—at least a good lady would. I recommend all ladies to be as such. The former will work until the skin on his back peels in order to look after you and your safety. The latter will run when one of his thousand gold coins is lost.
Stewardship
Need I say more than a word? Stewardship is a duty, in my view, of a husband to his wife. Of man to woman. From the husband-to-wife angle, the above three qualities of self-control, strength, and an understanding of sensuality allow you to steward. To guide. To love. To lose yourself in self-sacrificial leadership.
My wife calls me “Sir.” To some it may be humorous. To me, it is not. She uses it with respect, care, and great devotion as a wife to me. Whenever I hear the word, I am humbled. My wife humbles me, to make me more selfless for my family. For such a bride, for the daughter who happily plays in the hallways and backyard of our home, and for my son who is nearly done growing in my wife’s womb, I am willing to deny myself anything. I pray I always have the strength to do so.
Conclusion
If you as a man are as above, then you are worth great praise and encouragement. You inspire me! If you are single, be inspired by these men as I am! If any wives here have such a man, trust the man. Marital bliss is on your doorstep. For the single ladies, indeed you will grow to desire only such men. Do not waste your time on the lustful, selfish, aggressive and overly machismo. Slow-burning flame, remember? I am reminded of a quote from the Lord of the Rings:
“I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.”
A beautiful life is not something we simply have. It must be built. I pray for all married couples here that they have built a lovely life, a peaceful one, and an affectionate one.
Thank you for reading. On behalf of myself and my wife, thank you for your continued reading and kindness towards our marriage and towards my lovely wife. The support on the fictional fantasy series she has been sharing here is wonderful. (See The Lady’s Knight, Parts 1-4, and The Bandits’ Raid, Parts 1 and 2.) I have given my advice and aid where I can to help her, but she has put much effort into them!
Anyhow, I have taken enough of your time. God bless, may there be peace for you all.
Sincerely,
V. (SophTea’s “Sir”)
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