A Note from MarriageHeat
As the author rightly states, courting couples are often curious about what they’re allowed to do in regard to sexual activity, or what’s appropriate at each stage of their relationship. And as we all know, there are a wide variety of opinions on the matter, ranging from “Don’t even kiss until you’re married” all the way to “Sex before marriage is totally fine.” Those of us who lead and run MarriageHeat have our own opinions too, but we try not to make any official stance on the matter overly concrete, because, while the Bible does give us certain principles we can apply to the matter, it does not give us a specific list of acceptable and unacceptable activities for pre-marriage couples.
So today we’re publishing a view toward the less restrictive side of the spectrum. We do not endorse this particular stance, or any other (except the general idea that sex belongs in marriage), but we’re hoping that HappyHubs’ thoughts can help facilitate a thoughtful conversation on the matter. This topic has been discussed before on MarriageHeat, but it has been a little while, and because it’s a topic that almost all dating couples are interested in, we think it’s a topic that’s worth revisiting!
So please join the discussion! Where do you think the boundary is between appropriate and inappropriate sexual activity during the various pre-marriage phases of a relationship, and why? Are your reasons mainly based on practical consequences, impacts on the relationship, scientific research, biblical principles and commands, personal preferences, or something else? Let us all know, so the whole community can benefit from the exchange of ideas!
**********
A perennial question for Christian singles and dating couples waiting for marriage to have sex seems to be some form of “But what can we do?” These are my thoughts, as a married man, on the matter.
My short answer is, whatever the two of you are comfortable with at the level you are at in your relationship. Only the pair of you will best know what that is. My advice would be to not move too fast physically, as you will run out of new physical stuff to do as your relationship progresses. Give room for growth.
Practically, I’d say keep stuff with genitals for marriage or at least engagement. Short of that, make sure you are kissing a lot! There was a whole generational movement against passionate kissing, or kissing at all, before marriage, and that’s frankly nonsense. No shade to couples who want to do that, but I wouldn’t recommend it.
Now, kissing is the minimum I recommend. Let’s face it—there’s physical, sensual, and sexual aspects to dating. You’re looking for someone you can be sexy with the rest of your life! You SHOULD feel sexual feelings toward each other. And as long as it’s encouraging mutual appreciation of each other and not selfish self-gratification, it’s appropriate to stir up those feelings toward someone you are assessing for marriage. Let them know they are sexy, and how they make you feel!
I think it’s time that some segments of Christianity break out of their prudishness or squeamishness about sexual feelings between an unmarried couple. All couples feel those desires—or at least, they should! It’s normal! So I would encourage exploring those feelings while maintaining married sex as the goal you both are working towards.
Thus, in addition to kissing, I’d say that a couple should consider getting more physically frisky! Of course, make sure you have consent. Consent is sexy! But, presuming that you each have that consent, I think it’s important for a man and woman to know that they have good physical chemistry and can please each other. If his ass looks great in those jeans, let him know with a well-placed hand. If you’ve appreciated how her dress highlights her ass and boobs, go ahead and cop a feel.
If it’s going well, hands could start slipping under fabric. If it’s really going well, fabric might start coming off! It’s great if she knows he can pleasure her breasts. Frankly, I’d think a serious couple would be all over each other. If they’ve progressed to where marriage is increasingly likely, I’d expect that they’ll be desperate to find time to be alone together so all those irritating clothes can come off.
As for what point to escalate to the next step, each couple has to decide for themselves. Maybe one couple doesn’t want to tongue kiss until they’re exclusive. That sounds like a good idea to me. But maybe a woman is fine with her date taking her dress off after a date or two if she likes him, or giving him a stroke or two down there to show how she likes his tongue in her mouth. That seems to be moving fast to me, but that’s something she has to know and decide for herself. Knowing ahead of time what limits you have allows you to have that exploration without compromising the absolute boundaries and no-gos.
I hope that’s helpful for any singles reading this.
The post Advice for Dating Intimacy appeared first on Married sex stories – erotica – marriage sex blogs.
