(L) – This post contains strong language.
Hey MH people. I need some advice on how to meet in the middle with different sex drives. Has anyone overcome this?
My husband and I are mid-thirties and have different sex drives. I have ALWAYS been up for sex, and my husband needs everything to be good to be in the mood.
We got together young and we’ve been married for twelve years now, together eighteen. And he has always been a few times a month frequency person, just one time in a day. I read stories on here about how people consider ten days without sex to be a long drought, and it makes me so envious!
Life has been busy and stressful, including career changes and trying to have kids. He was at a horrible job for eight of years that put him in the worst mood. I think that was a huge part of it. He left that place now and is a lot happier. When we did have sex it was magical. It lasted forever, his erection was rock solid, we did a bunch of positions. If it was up to me I would be fucked multiple times a day.
We have a son now who’s one year old. After having a baby I thought I would just be ruined for sex. I still have some pelvic floor soreness but it’s a lot better and I’m trying to strengthen it with exercise. That being said, sex is important to me and I thought I would never have that again. Eventually my drive came back and it didn’t hurt anymore. It was like coming back from war, and when it finally worked I just want to enjoy it as much as I can.
I got a vibrator to curb the desire a bit. I don’t watch porn, I just use my imagination of our greatest hits and use MH stories. This has helped a lot, but also made it worse. When I start feeding this desire again, I want it more and more. He’s the opposite and the longer it is, the more built up sexual energy he gets. For me there’s a point where I forget about sex and don’t want it anymore, right about the time he gets randy for it. So it’s this kind of vicious cycle of getting everything I want and then being starved again.
After we had a baby he started to respond to my requests. Not just sex, but things we always wanted to do he’s actually doing now. Working out, eating healthy, meal prep, etc. He got super into lifting weights and now he’s all muscles and it makes me want him even more! I’m trying to get in shape but it’s taking a minute. We agreed to start scheduling sex two or more times a week. It’s been a couple weeks since we started that. The first week we had sex twice, and the second week we had sex once. The last few times it’s been okay, but not great. The trouble is, I think because we’ve upped the frequency, his erections aren’t as hard as I would like, or don’t last as long as I’d like. But he’s trying. Will he adapt, or is this just the result of more frequency?
For me, I’m back in a tortured state of being incredibly turned on and I’m losing him early. I’ve tried to ask him what he wants from our sex life, but he always said he’s fine. I try to wear different outfits or set the mood and he said he doesn’t need any of that, he just wants me. Which is sweet be also kind of frustrating. “So there’s NOTHING I can wear, or do to get you more in the mood?” I’m just completely helpless.
I’m thinking if he went on ED meds it would strengthen his erection and he could keep up with my frequency. But I can’t think of a kind way to ask him to get some without sounding like a complete jerk. “Hey hun, I know you’ve been trying to satisfy me. But you just can’t, so can you go on viagra please?” Every kind version I come up with sounds like that in my head. I don’t have the words but I think this would be a good solution to at least try. How can I ask him without him being offended?
He’s still a young guy of 36, and he’s getting erections. They’re just a little weak at times. Should I give it a month? Two months before I ask him? He did mention a fond memory of us 69ing and wanted to try that again. I think his plan is to make me cum with a vibrator and oral a few times before we have sex so we’re more likely to finish together. Which I really appreciate.
I think about sex all time lately. I’m masturbating almost daily, reliving our highlights in my head. Why would God give me these feelings if they’re just meant to torture me? Why would he put me with a man who doesn’t want it as much as me? I love my husband, and he is a sweet and kind man. And he says he wants sex more too, but I think it’s more like a healthy habit to him instead of a primal need.
Can I bring him up to my level? Or will he bring me down to his? I guess I’m looking for some hope, and solutions to different libidos. What do I do in the meantime? I thought I could wear myself out but I think it’s just upping my stamina. Is there any 100% approved man turn ons out there? Are there other men out there who want it less?
Any thoughts (about any of this) would be appreciated.
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