Sex and Hot Monogamy

by Henry and Pam Reyenga

Preface

I am Henry Reyenga. My wife, Pam, and I have been in ministry since 1988. After graduating from Dordt College with a Philosophy degree and Calvin Seminary with a Master of Divinity, I started my ministry work as a church planter in Chicagoland. Over the years, we’ve supported couples through pastoral care and marriage ministry counseling. Time and time again, we’ve seen transformation begin when couples invite God into their most personal conversations—especially those about sexual intimacy. We’ve also seen how important these conversations are for singles and divorced individuals. Pre-marriage counseling often becomes the perfect setting to explore these topics fully.

Our culture, however, approaches these conversations differently. Sexually explicit discussions, often portrayed through pornography, are normalized. The internet has made this content freely available on every computer and smartphone.

Healthy, God-designed sexuality is essential for both individuals and married couples. When a Christian man and woman come together in the Lord, their relationship becomes a union of “hot monogamy”—a bond filled with pleasure, emotional depth, and spiritual fulfillment. From this relationship comes children and a shared legacy. Yet, even for married couples, sexual narratives shaped by past experiences or cultural influences can linger and affect intimacy.

We’ve come to understand that a thriving marriage isn’t just about physical pleasure. It’s about building a deeper connection—one that strengthens emotional and spiritual bonds. Honest conversations about intimacy can unlock new levels of joy and unity. These moments help couples stay to God and each other.

In 2006, we founded Christian Leaders Institute to provide free ministry training worldwide. One recurring topic in ministry settings was sexual intimacy. Over time, Pam and I developed a college course on this subject, approaching it from a Ministry Sciences perspective. This approach is biblically based, welcoming God and His design into conversations about sexuality. The goal is to address human relationships and challenges with faith and practical tools. It offers a holistic way to help ministers, singles, and couples honor God with their sexuality.

In 2012, Pam and I launched MarriageHeat.com. We wanted to give people of faith a space to anonymously share experiences and encourage one another. Inspired by the Song of Songs, we created a platform for stories about vibrant, monogamous marriages. We believed Christians needed to see how God was working in other Christian marriages. Over time, MarriageHeat.com became a valuable Ministry Sciences research tool, offering insights into what Christians experience in the bedroom.

Not everyone agreed with the site’s approach. Some Christians felt the stories were too erotic. But as platforms like Netflix and others began saturating the culture with content that undermines a Christian vision of intimacy, we felt it was important to provide an alternative. MarriageHeat.com became a rare voice promoting healthy, God-honoring sexuality and intimacy through storytelling. Like the Song of Songs, these narratives aren’t for everyone, but they bring important conversations to the forefront.

Many Christian singles and newlyweds visit MarriageHeat.com for inspiration. Countless marriages have been renewed by reigniting their intimacy. In 2018-2019, Pam and I passed the website to Missy and her husband, Calvin. They’ve continued to share stories that align with God’s design for intimacy.

Pam and I have often thought about writing a book on sexual conversations and hot monogamy. One day, during a conversation with Missy from MarriageHeat.com, she encouraged us to take the leap. She suggested we write the book and share each chapter with the MarriageHeat.com community to engage directly with its members. Inspired by her enthusiasm, Pam and I accepted the challenge. The final version of the book will reflect valuable input from this community.

To protect confidentiality, we will share fictionalized stories inspired by years of ministry work and real-life experiences. Additionally, we’ve incorporated lessons from those who have visited MarriageHeat.com. Over the years, we have conducted many polls on topics related to sexuality and “hot monogamy.” Often, individuals offer valuable insights or ask thought-provoking questions, which spark active engagement from the community. This book will include some of these contributions to provide a broader and richer perspective.

Pam and I don’t have it all figured out. We’re works in progress, just like everyone else. We’re redeemed sinners who find hope in Jesus and His Word. We celebrate how God designed us as sexual beings and how this design is fulfilled in marriage—whether you’re married yet or not.

Our prayer is that this book inspires you to build a stronger, God-honoring view of sexuality. Let’s explore the sacred, transformative gift of intimacy together, as designed by our Creator.

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